I said goodbye to my best little buddy Nov. 23rd. It was a difficult day, although the decision to say goodbye was not. He had lived a very good life, and I did not want him to suffer a moment longer. We had the most beautiful human as our doctor in emergency, we were put in a private family room to take as long as we like, and we said goodnight to him in our own timing.
He was more than a dog. He was my sidekick, my shadow - a part of me. I had no doubts that when he came into my life it was to be a guide and teacher, but most of all, to be unconditional love for me, at a time when I really needed it. Everyone knew Bodhi from yoga classes, social media posts, and being in my life. And it was not until he was gone a few days that I realized how much of my energy was tied to caring for him and his needs. He was a strong energy in our home, but this being was entirely different around me than with anyone else - he wanted all of me, and I freely gave it to him with no regrets.
As I find myself wading through the aftermath of his death, the sudden realization of how much of his energy kept me pinned to my home and to fixed schedules is being revealed. For it was him that woke me up at a certain time in the morning. He was the one who kept track of time I spent doing any one thing by reminding me he needed a break - either to go out, have a treat, or some play time. His life-force was the basic reason that I kept to schedules and routines, spent hours and sometimes days preparing for trips, and moved through daily guilt when I left him. And this kept me locked in linear time and space...fixed in a matrix that my human-starry self had outgrew.
Now that I'm becoming unpinned, I feel myself moving more naturally through my day, with more ease and less effort. Sure, I still have another dog, but she is easy-breezy and goes with the flow. If I am to move into the new timeline, as I often talk about, the access to that reality now feels available.
We become attached to the people and other beings and thing in our life. When this happens we become fixed. The more we let go, we become untethered, and free to expand. So while I mourn the loss of my special little guy, I also witness the vast spaciousness that is coming from this unpinning. And my only "goal" is not to fill it up again.